Saturday, July 30, 2011

Thanks For All The Good Wishes

AYLA:  I just wanted to tell everyone how MUCH I appreciated all the comments of concern and healing purrs I have received this past week!  It meant so very much to me ta read them all (several times).  I know I would NOT have come through all this as well without the good wishes and healing purrs from all my friends!
My special thanks to Mom ML and KC for the wunnerful graphic they made and posted on the CB, and to those of you who posted that and/or links to my blog.  I received good wishes from old friends, from kitties (and Beins) I know OF but have seldom met, and from kitties (and Beins) entirely new ta me. 

Thank you each and evry one!

I hope ta get back ta visiting my friends tonight or tomorrow.

Thinking Back Through

I don't know why this showed up as Saturday, I posted it Thursday.   And there is a newer post below this one.  TBT

THE BIG THING:  First, and most important, Ayla is feeling almost normal this morning.  At least she is eating and drinking better, and she is walking around normally.  She is even hopping up on stuff.  I wish she wouldn't but I can't figure out how to stop her.  There is no room in the house that doesn't have SOMETHING to hop up on, and that is her passion.

Now, to look at the various vet visits with fresh eyes and more information.  I am calmer know, and have more information.  Part of what I am trying to do is heal myself from the fear in the events and trying to see where I misunderstood events.  I am not without some blame in all this...

I don't want anything I have posted to reflect badly on Dr. Miller, my regular vet.  My only cause of concern was that Ayla seemed to be bleeding the 1st night after the operation.  He explained that this was the 3rd cut through the same spot and scar tissue does not hold together as well.  He said that, had he known of the seepage, he would have advised me it was not an emergency and could wait til morning.  Apparently, it was some internal bleeding plus some internal bodily fluid.  Given that, he gave me his home phone number for future concerns.  I doubt he gives out his home phone number lightly.  He also expressed his regret on not warning me about the possibility. 

And I should have realized it was not mostly blood.  It wasn't sticky!  If I had simply been asked about bodily fluids seeping through an incision in an office discussion, I would have said it was "sera".  Yes, really.  But I saw red on my shirt and hands, from MY cat, and in THAT context red=blood!

The ER Vet is an oddly detached person and a bit strange, but I may have been more angry than I should have been.  Detachment isn't a good approach to dealing with upset pet owners, but perhaps his talent IS staying detached in emergencies.  I'm still thinking that part through.

Given that MY vet explained (the next day) that sera seepage is not very unusual in scar tissue incisions, I have to consider that the ER vet decided the situation was not  quite so urgent and could stand some observation, and finally deciding is was bad enough to require some bandaging after checking on Ayla for an hour.  And for all I know, he had worse cases to deal with back in the operating area.  There are always some things one does not know

I am a forgiving person.  not "forgive and forget"; I do NOT forget.  But I do forgive when new information or insights gives me a reason.  No one is perfect, no matter how expert they are.  There are many examples.  Scientists ruin an experiment because they read metric as inches.  NASA contractors install a simple altimeter upside down and the satellite crashes.  A top surgeon reads an x-ray upside down and removes the wrong kidney.  The most talented humans aren't perfect! 

I wonder what it is like to work ER situations?  All you see is misery.  And you have to just keep functioning and doing your best in the face of that.  I couldn't do it.  I cry every time I see a notice that another cat has gone over the Bridge.  Policemen mostly see criminals; if most of the people you dealt with each day, what would YOU think of "most people".

Now, I want to mention the positive aspects of the past few days...

I am so pleased with Dr. Miller's initial operation on Ayla.  He 1st and immediately ruled out urinary tract infections because they would have been easiest to deal with) and went to the reproductive issues.  He was correct.  I did not know at the time, but as soon as he saw the remnant uterus infection, he knew there was still an intact ovary.  He explained yesterday that only an attached ovary can cause that infection.  I have NO idea why, but I think I will research that soon.  Just to know...

Dr. Miller and every one on his staff show an abundance of caring about both the pets they care for and the people they live with.  It's not faked.  I worked in government office too many years to be fooled be fake sincerity.  They care!  When Ayla was out of the initial surgery Tuesday, I asked if they could take turns holding her for pictures.  They jostled each other for their turn with Alya, even Dr. Miller.  And I have never seen the slightest annoyance on their part with the loudest barking dog or most scratchy cat.  They not only accept it, the appreciate them all for what they are.

And I must say the same for the ER staff (well, the one lady who was there).  She obviously had computer work to do, but she talked to me as long as I wanted.  When I mentioned I blogged, she asked me for the URL and went and looked at it.  We had a great time looking around my blog.

It is possible that she was just really professional at distracting pet owners, but I know fake when I see it.  She was actually interested.  She didn't seem to know about pet blogs.  We stopped only when the 2 guys came in with their "dead or dying" dog.  I was upset when she said "group or individual (or whatever the exact quote was).  Looking back, she went suddenly cold toward them.  It makes me think now that they were regular customers.  Because they immediately said "group".  The difference in cost was only $20 ($89 group cremation, $119 single cremation).  My thought was that if they actually cared, I would give them the $20!  I don't understand that part at all, but there can always be internal personal dynamics that no one else understands.

After they left quickly, the desk manager lady whisked the dog into the back rooms, returned and we started talking again.  But she wasn't as cheerful.  I even said "they don't care, do they"?  She didn't answer.  She didn't have to.  Silence is an answer.

When the ER vet came out after 2 hours, he said that she was bandaged to stop the bleeding (well, that was the desciption I brought her there for), and said she should be all right, but that I should bring her to my regular vet after 5 hours which he knew was opening hours for my regular vet.   The part about charging "storage" if I waiting more than another 5 hours was real.  That was CRUEL and indifferent.  The ER vet is NOT off the hook for oddity and uncaring.  But maybe I understand a little more about that existence.

I am still angry about the ER treatment, it is WAS bad, but it may not been as bad as I initially thought in my anger and frustration.  There is room for forgiveness, maybe 30%.  The ER was better than NOTHING!  It got us through the night, and that was the most important thing to me at the time.

Sure, Dr. Miller knew Ayla wasn't in real danger, but I didn't.

I saw some offers to help with the vet expenses.  They were substantial, but we are fortunate that we can manage those.  But thanks for all offers.  The offers mattered, and we are very touched.  Thank you.  But others need help more than we do.