It was midnight, just as New Year's Day began. The lights woke me up, so I walked out of the bedroom to see what was going on. We dont have lights like THAT here. But something was odd. It wasn't the right house... There weren't stairs going down to the the front door like there should be. Well, I was awakened suddenly, and somethings are odd when that happens.
Weirder, there was Mean Old Tinkerbelle sitting in a chair I dint recognize. And come to think of it, I'd never actually met Mean Old Tinkerbelle. But I knew who she was and she knew me.
"IZA, YOU HAVE BEEN A BAD KITTY, SHE GROWLED". Yeah, really, in all LOUD caps just like that. So I said "Like, how do YOU know, and BTW, YOU are the one called "Mean Old Tinkerbelle".
"Yeah, well, I lived alone with TBT fer years until those annoying hyper-active demanding Skeeter and LC kittens arrived. I had him all to myself until then.. But never mind that. "
"IZA, YOU HAVE BEEN A BAD KITTY, SHE GROWLED". Again...
Well, she WAS persistent, and I wasnt sure she heard a werd I said. She blathered on... "YOU WILL BE VISITED BY 3 CRITTERS THIS NIGHT. THEY WILL TEACH YOU THE ERROR OF YOUR WAYS".
Errors? I have errors? And who is this old twit to decide THAT? Maybe she's been at our Nip (I should check our supply). But before I could question her further, she vanished. Well, actally, I caught a glimpse of her sneaking around a corner; still she WAS pretty quick about it. But before I could do annything about her, the WHOLE HOUSE LIT UP. Evry light bulb in the house and some I didnt recall existing. My eyes went to the narrowest slits immediately! And even then, it was hard to see. I had to shade an eye with a paw...
This next introoder was "odd". She was colored like me but "more defined", all Siamesey, but Im a Tonky. So of COURSE, she had ta be a real Siameezer like Ayla. But she started jabbering on like the first introoder. Just more polite. Merfy-jabberring actally, so I guess that proved she was a real Siameezer. YOU HAVE GONE THE WRONG WAY, she said.
IZA: (yep, same annoying loud voice) I AM KENANI THE CAT OF CHRISSYMOUSE PAST. THE ORIGINAL TO THE BIG THING. So I asked "went wrong in what way"? But she went on and said "WHY YOU ARENT A TRUE SIAMESE..."
Well, OK, that WAS a bit innerestin. She said to touch paws and she would show me. Like I wanted to touch paws with that old relic? But she grabbed mine an I guess the effect was the same. The room went all blurry and I was transported to another house. It must have been old cuz the furniture was hideous and the holiday tree had great big bulbs and tinsel all over it.
There was a gorgeous Siamese male and a bootiful Burmese female and they were, how should I say this, making kittens. With some serious "dedication".
THESE ARE YOUR GRANDPARENTS! And oddly enough, as I watched, time sped up. The kittens were born and separated to some homes and to some breeders. "YOUR SIAMEEZER-FURRRED MOTHER WENT TO A BREEDER, she shouted". I DO wish she could quiet down a bit, but LOUD seems to be part of the deal here.
But I have to admit, I WAS innerested. Moving to a differnt place, I saw Mom again. She had kittens herself from a Siameezer mancat. Gotta admit, he was handsome. ONE OF THOSE KITTENS IS YOU. Oh great, a time problem. I'm seeing ME as a kitten. But, which one am I, I finally asked.
UM, ACTALLY, I DONT KNOW. THERE WERE 2 OF YOU THAT SEEMED SO SIMILAR, AND ITS REALLY HARD TO TELL. I DON'T GET ALONG THIS PATH OFTEN.
OK, fine. what now? WE GO HOME! Your place or mine? DON'T GET CUTE, I'M A GIRLCAT. THE NEXT VISITOR WONT BE. EXPECT HIM ON THE NEXT HOUR.
Is it Spitty-kins, I asked hopefully? No answer. So I napped.
The doorbell woke me up. I went and growled at it like we all do here. But something was odd. It wasn't the right house, again... There weren't stairs going the the front door (again) like there should be, but also a different other room. Looked like an apartment. Well, I was awakened suddenly, and (like I said before) somethings are odd when that happens. Mebbe a bad can of minced turkey...
But of course I dint open the door. I cant. However, I dint have to. The introoder drifted right through it only his head first while he looked around. He said LOOKS LIKE THE RIGHT PLACE. Do they ALL have to yell? I hate when that happens... Not that its happened before, come to think of it. I AM THE CAT OF THE PRESENT he yowled. I need earplugs with all this yowling and loud merfing...
Well, who ARE you actally? It seemed a reasonable question. But it bothered HIM! He resolved the existential question with IT DOESNT MATTER. But something was oddly familiar and I was curious. And then it struck me that it was Marley with his fur-colors reversed. Yer Marley, aren't you? WELL, SORT OF, BUT CALL ME YELRAM.
(You've GOT to be kidding, I thought), Aloud, "OK, fine, whatever..."
I AM HERE TO SHOW YOU WHAT THE WORLD WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE IN YOU HAD BEEN DIFFERENT.
UM, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MORE UPSET.
Well, I'm not.
HOLD ON, I HAVE TO CHECK MY SCRIPT...
Take yer time...
FLIPS THROUGH PAGES, FLIP, FLIP FLIP... AH, YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN A SIAMEEZER QUEEN.
And I'm not, so...?
YOU WOULD HAVE PUT OUT MANY KITTENS AND NEVER BEEN SENT TO LIVE WITH THE BIG THING "BECAUSE YOU WERENT SUITED FER QUEEN-DUTIES"!
Oh carp and Bast, really?
YES, REALLY. SURE AS BIRDICIDES ON THE DECK DOOR!!!
Well, thats definite. So I lucked out?
UM YEAH. WAIT, THIS ISNT THE WAY THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO GO. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE COWERING ON THE GROUND. I BETTER TURN YOU OVER TO THE LAST CRITTER... IM GONNA GET DEMERITS FER THIS, YOU KNOW.
Well, good luck and bye bye... And then I had a good 59 minute nap.
When the clock struck the next hour, I was alert and waiting. It was the DEATH-MOUSE OF THE FUTURE. It came cloaked in gray and hooded with haunty eyes. It was truly scarey (fer a mousie). I asked what purpose it had to visit me. I AM THE DEATH-MOUSE OF THE FUTURE, it intoned...
So I picked it up by the neck, dropped it in the sink, gave it a good whap, and played with it for at least an hour. Then I ATE it...
Even Death-Mice shouldn't mess with cats. Not ever...
And then I had the best nap of months. And when I woke up, everything was normal again...